胡安•魯爾福：那一年，我差點淪為妓女

那一年，我差點淪為妓女

原 著：胡安•魯爾福

西譯英：伊蘭•史塔芬斯
改 編：依鵠

窮人的宿命2

by Juan Rulfo

                                                               原    著：胡安•魯爾福

translated from the Spanish by Ilan Stavans

                                                               西譯英：伊蘭•史塔芬斯
                                                               英譯中：依鵠

Everything’s going from bad to worse here. Last week Aunt Jacinta died, and on Saturday, after we buried her and the sadness began to fade away, it started raining like crazy. This upset my father since the entire barley harvest was drying in the sun shed. The downpour started suddenly, in great waves of water, giving us no time to stow even a handful; the only thing everyone who was at home at the time could do was to huddle under the shed and watch as the cold water fell from the sky and burned the yellow barley we had just harvested.

       這里的一切越來越糟糕了。上周，雅辛塔阿姨去世了。周六那天，我們剛埋葬了她，悲痛的心情都還沒來得及過去，雨便像瘋了似地一直在下。父親為此而心煩不已，因為我們全部的大麥收成此刻都堆在溫室里晾曬。這場大雨來得很急，雨水滂沱而下，以致于我們連收一把大麥的時間都沒有；家中各人現在能做的惟一一件事，便是蜷縮在棚屋里，眼睜睜地看著冰冷的雨水從天而降，把我們剛收下來黃澄澄的大麥打個粉碎。

And just yesterday, my sister Tacha’s twelfth birthday, we found out that the cow my father had given her for her saint’s day had been swept down the river.

       昨天是我妹妹塔茶的12歲生日，就在這一天，我們發現她的母牛被河水卷走了。這頭母牛，是父親在她圣名日那天送給她的。2

The river started to rise three nights ago in the middle of the night. Even though I was fast asleep, the thunderous noise woke me up. I jumped to my feet with the covers still in my hand, as though I thought the roof was caving in. Then I fell asleep again, because I realized it was only the sound of the river and because the sound lulled me to sleep.

       三天前的半夜里，河水已然開始上漲。那天我雖然睡得很沉，可還是讓轟隆隆的響聲給吵醒了。當時，我以為屋頂就要塌了，于是一手抓起衣服就從床上跳下來。但很快我便意識到，這不過是河水聲，這聲音聽著聽著就容易令人昏昏欲睡，于是后來我又睡著了。

When I got up, the morning sky was full of huge clouds and everything looked as if it had been raining nonstop. The noise from the river was louder than ever and had drawn closer. You could smell it the way you can smell a fire, the rotten smell of roiling water.

       當我再次起來的時候，清晨的天空已是彤云密布，所有的跡象都表明，這場雨一直都沒有停過。河流傳來的響聲比以往都要大，都要近。你甚至可以聞到一股焦臭的味道，其實這是渾濁河水的腐臭味。

By the time I went outside, the river had already spilled over its  banks and was slowly approaching the main street. It was quickly making its way into the house of the woman people call La Tambora. You could hear water splashing as it ran into the corral and as it exited through the gate in wide rivulets. La Tambora was walking back and forth in what had by then become a part of the river, tossing her hens into the street so they could hide someplace where the current wouldn’t reach them.

       我出門時，河水已經泛過了堤岸，而且正逐漸向鎮上的大街漫去。很快，河水便涌進了一個名叫坦博拉的女人的房子。隨著一陣嘩嘩的水聲傳來，河水涌進了畜欄，然后分成幾道大水沖破了柵門。坦博拉在河水旁來回地跑，把養的母雞都放到街上，以便它們可以躲起來，不被水流沖走，但她自己卻因此而成了河水的一部分。

On the other side, by the bend, the river must have washed away, who knows when, the tamarind tree that had been in Aunt Jacinta’s sun shed, because there’s no tamarind tree there now. It was the only one in town, and that’s why people think that this is the highest the river has crested in years.

       在另一邊，河灣處，一定也被河水沖刷過，天知道是在什么時候發生的事，但以前在雅辛塔阿姨的溫室里，是有一棵羅望子樹的，可現在那里已經沒有什么羅望子樹了。這是鎮上惟一的一棵羅望子，現在連它都沒了，也難怪人們認為這是這么多年來所達到的最高水位。

My sister and I went back in the afternoon to see the cascade of water that is steadily growing thicker and darker and is already beyond the level where the bridge is supposed to be. We stayed there for hours and hours without getting bored with the whole thing. Later on we climbed up the ravine because we wanted to hear what people were saying, since down there, near the river, it’s so loud you can only see mouths opening and closing as if they want to say something; but you can’t hear a word. So we climbed up the ravine where people were looking at the river and assessing the damage. That’s where we found out that the river had taken La Serpentina away, my sister Tacha’s cow, because my father gave my sister the cow as a birthday present and it had one white ear and one red one and very beautiful eyes.

       下午的時候，我和妹妹回頭去看河水的情況，只見它不斷地變得越來越深，越來越暗，甚至已經漫過了橋面。我們在那里呆了一個又一個小時，對身旁的一切一點也不覺得厭倦。后來，我們爬上了河邊的山坡，因為我們想聽聽大家都在說些什么，在山坡下，河邊那里，水聲太大了，你只能看到嘴巴在一張一合，知道別人肯定是在說著些什么；但一個字你也別想聽到。因此，我們爬上了河邊的山坡，那是大家觀察河流和估算損失的地方。就在那里，我們發現河水把“大蛇”沖走了，那是我妹妹塔茶的母牛，是父親送給她的生日禮物，它長著一只白耳朵一只紅耳朵，還有一雙美麗的眼睛。

I don’t quite know why La Serpentina decided to cross that river when she knew quite well that it wasn’t the same river she was used to every day. La Serpentina wasn’t that dumb. To let herself be killed like that she had to be sleepwalking. Most of the time it was up to me to wake her when I opened the corral door to let her out. If not, she might have spent the entire day there with her eyes closed, very still and sighing, the way cows sigh when they’re asleep.

       我不是很明白，為什么“大蛇”要過河，她明明知道這條河跟她平時過的那條是不一樣的。“大蛇”不該笨成這樣的呀。竟然笨到做出這種自殺般的行為，惟一的解釋就是她在夢游。平時，多半都是由我叫醒她，由我打開牛欄的門放她出去的。要是我沒這樣做的話，她就會一整天都呆在里面，閉著眼睛，一動也不動地打著鼻響，母牛睡覺時總是會打鼻響的。

Something must have happened that kept her asleep. Maybe it happened that she woke up when she felt the heaviness of the water lapping at her flanks. Maybe that frightened her and she tried to go back, but when she turned around she was stuck and unable to move in that hard, black, mucky water. Maybe she roared asking for help. She roared like only God knows.

       一定是出了什么事，以致于她一直睡著。可能她醒來時，發現大水已經漫到了自己的腰間。可能這嚇壞了她，她也已打算往回走，但當她轉身的時候，卻被纏住了，在這條湍急、幽暗、泥濘的河流里無法動彈了。可能她也曾大聲咆哮呼救過。可惜只有上帝聽到了她的咆哮。

I asked a man who saw the cow being dragged downstream if he hadn’t seen the calf that was with her. But the man said he didn’t know if he had seen that. All he said was that the spotted cow went by with her legs in the air very close to where he was and that then she flipped over and you couldn’t see the horns or the legs or any sign of the cow at all. There were plenty of tree trunks floating on the river, with their roots, and he was very busy trying to gather firewood, so he wasn’t able to see if it was animals or tree trunks being carried away.

       我找到那個看見母牛被沖到下游的人，問他是否有看見一條小牛跟在母牛的身后。但那人說，他不確定是否有看到小牛。他說來說去，都是說那頭滿身泥濘的母牛四蹄朝天般在離他很近的地方沖過，接著在水里打了一個滾，然后就連角、連蹄、連母牛身上的任何一塊都完全看不到了。此外，河面上還漂著大量的樹干，都是連根拔起的。而他又忙于拾柴，所以沒留意有沒有動物或樹干被沖走。

So we don’t know if the calf is alive or if he followed his mother down the river. If he went with her, God help them both.

       因此，我們不知道小牛現在究竟是活著，還是跟著他媽媽游到了河里。要是他跟著自己媽媽的話，但愿上帝可以保佑他倆。

The problem at home is what is going to happen now that my sister Tacha is left with nothing. It took a lot for my father to get La Serpentina in the first place, from the time she was a calf, so my sister could have a bit of capital and wouldn’t run away to become a whore the way my two older sisters had.

       家里現在的問題在于接下來會發生什么事，畢竟我妹妹塔茶已經一無所有了。當年，“大蛇”還只是一頭小牛，買她成了父親的第一要務，為此，父親付出了很多。畢竟有了她，我妹妹也算是有了一點本錢，就不用跑到外面，像我那兩個姐姐那樣去當妓女了。

The way my father tells it, they both took the wrong road because our family was so poor and incorrigible. They sassed him from the time they were little. And as soon as they grew up, they started hanging out with the worst sort of men who taught them all types of awful things. They learned quickly and understood a man’s whistling at all hours of the night. They would stay out till dawn. Sometimes when they were supposed to fetch water from the river, instead all of sudden they were right there in the corral, writhing on the floor, naked, each of them with a man on top of her.

       根據父親所言，我那兩個姐姐之所以走錯了路，都是怪我們家太窮，窮到無法翻身的緣故。她們自小就頂撞父親。長大后，更是開始與一些壞到透的男人鬼混，而這些男人亦教會了她們各式各樣的惡習。她們很快便學壞了，一到晚上就無時無刻地在等男人吹口哨打暗號。后來，她們干脆夜不歸宿。有時，大家以為她們去河邊打水，但沒料到她們卻留在畜欄里。她們赤身裸體，在地上扭來扭去，兩人的身上，都分別騎著一個男人。

Finally my father threw them out. He had stood as much as he could and when he couldn’t take it anymore he showed them the door. They left for Ayutla or I don’t know where, and now they are whores.

       最后，父親把她們逐出了家門。父親已經盡可能忍受她們的所作所為，但終于還是忍無可忍，他還是趕了她們出門。我不知道她們在離開家后究竟是去了阿尤特拉還是去了別的地方；我只知道，她們現在當了妓女。

That’s why my father is terrified that Tacha will end up like her two sisters, that she may feel the poverty of not having the cow and realize she no longer has anything to support her while she’s still growing up and can still marry a decent man who will love her always. That’s going to be difficult now. When she had the cow it was different. There surely would be someone with the spunk to marry her, if only to have that very beautiful cow.

       父親害怕塔茶會跟她兩個姐姐那樣走上同一條不歸路，害怕有一天她會感受到失去母牛所帶來的窮窘；害怕有一天她會意識到現在已經沒有什么本錢可以讓她長大后嫁個體面并且永遠愛她的男人。現在，她的前路已是滿布荊棘。要是她的母牛還在的話，那一切都會變得不一樣。到時候肯定會有人鼓起勇氣來娶她的，前提是那頭美麗得很的母牛還在。

Our only hope is that the calf is still alive. Perhaps he didn’t think of crossing the river behind his mother. Because if he did, my sister Tacha is just this far away from becoming a whore. And mother doesn’t want that.

       我們惟一的希望就是小牛仍然還活著。興許他并沒有打算跟在自己的媽媽后面游過河去。因為要是他這樣做了的話，我妹妹塔茶也許就會因此而淪落風塵。而我母親并不希望發生這樣的事。

My mother doesn’t know why God has punished her by giving her such daughters, since in her family, from my grandmother on, there have never been bad people. Everybody was raised with the fear of God, and very obedient, and didn’t offend anyone. Everyone was that way. Who knows where her two daughters learned such bad behavior? She can’t figure it out. She wracks her brain and it isn’t clear where she went wrong or what sin she committed to have given birth to one bad daughter after another. She can’t figure it out. And every time she thinks of them, she weeps and says: “God help them.”

       母親不明白，為什么上帝要讓這些女兒來折磨她，在她的家族里，打從我所知道的外祖母算起，從來就沒出過一個壞人。家里的每個人都對上帝心存敬畏，事事遵從，也從不與他人結怨。每個人都是這樣。天知道她的兩個女兒怎么就染上這等惡習了呢？她想不通。她想破了腦袋也想不明白，究竟自己做錯了什么，作了什么孽，讓她接二連三地生出一個個不爭氣的女兒來。她想不通。每次想起她們時，母親都會哭著叨念道：“愿上帝保佑她們。”

My father says there’s nothing to be done at this point. The one at risk is the daughter who is still here, Tacha, who keeps on growing and growing and whose breasts are already beginning to show, and which promise to be like her sisters’: pointy and high and pert and attention-getting.

       而父親則認為，過去的事已經沒有挽回的余地。現在惟一需要擔心的，是還在身邊的女兒，塔茶。她現在正一天天地發育，胸部的曲線越來越明顯，將來一定會像她那兩個姐姐的一樣：挺拔、火辣而引人注目。

“Yes,” he says, “they’ll stare at her wherever she goes. It will all end badly; I can already see it will all end badly.”

       “肯定會這樣，”他說，“無論她走到哪里，都會有男人盯著她的。不會有好結果的；我現在已經可以想像得出不會有好結果的。”

That’s why my father is terrified.

       這就是我父親所擔心的事。

Tacha cries when she thinks her cow won’t come back because the river has killed it. She’s right here at my side, in her pink dress, looking at the river from the top of the ravine, unable to stop crying. Streams of dirty water run down her face, as if the river were inside her.

       塔茶哭了，因為她知道自己的母牛再也不會回到身邊來了，它已經死在河里了。她穿著那身粉紅色的衣服，此刻就在我身旁，就在岸邊山坡的最高處，望著河流，哭個不停。一道道渾濁的淚水從她臉上淌下，仿佛她的眼睛里也有這樣的一條河。

I put my arms around her, trying to comfort her, but she doesn’t understand. She cries even more. A sound similar to the one sweeping along the riverbanks emerges from her lips, making her shiver, and she trembles all over. The crest rises. the rotten smell from below speckles Tacha’s wet face. Her two little breasts bob up and down, continually, as if they had suddenly begun to swell, bringing her ever closer to perdition.

       我用雙臂摟住她，想安撫一下她，可她還是那般難過。她哭得更兇了。一道嗚咽的聲音從她嘴里傳了出來，聽起來就像席卷兩岸的風聲一般。正是這種風聲，使她顫個不停，令她渾身上下不寒而栗。一個浪涌過來，帶有腐臭的河水濺到塔茶滿是淚水的臉上，留下了一個個泥斑。只見她那對小淑乳一起一伏，抽咽不停，仿佛一下子豐滿了起來，成了一對將她進一步帶往沉淪之路的豪乳。

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